Certified Involuntary Spasm Monitoring. Bureau of Involuntary Spasms, Hiccup Division. Est. 2026.
Hiccup Watch exists to track, time, and certify the involuntary spasms of your diaphragm with the seriousness usually reserved for air traffic. We do not cause hiccups. We do not cure them. We simply refuse to look away.
Your Hiccup-Free Streak begins the instant you press Begin Monitoring and ends the instant our internal randomizer decides it should, on a schedule no visitor has ever been permitted to see. This is by design. A predictable hiccup would not be a hiccup.
Four certified remedies are offered for completeness: drinking water upside-down, getting startled, holding one's breath, and thinking of something else. Each is logged the moment it is attempted. None has ever been observed to change anything. We log them anyway, for morale.
Since records began, the Diaphragm Cooperation Index has read exactly 0%. The Bureau does not consider this a malfunction. It considers it the only honest number on the page.
It doesn't, biologically speaking. Hiccups were happening to people long before anyone built a certified monitoring service for them, and will go on happening after. We just added a counter.